Happy Holiday Season

Each year the Holiday Season seems to sweep in so quickly.  It feels like I just turned over the flower beds to prepare them for the winter.  But...here it is...ready or not.

This year two of my sons will be helping me prepare the Christmas dinner.  My youngest is not able to be here with us.  He is working in another province for the holidays.  I pray that a lovely family will invite him into their home to celebrate the holidays.  We will miss him greatly! 

We have decided on something less traditional this year.  We will be enjoying seafood that comes straight from the east coast. There is a small family owned fish market in town that carries some of the best lobster.  Of course, our special family dinners just wouldn't be the same without southern sweet potato pie and corn bread.  They are two special recipes that my children will travel miles just to indulge their taste buds.  I love watching them as they enjoy every bite.

So, for this entry I would like to share with you a couple of recipes you may want to consider trying.  They are easy to make and they do not call for a lot of fancy ingredients.

Southern Sweet Potato Pie

2 cups of mashed sweet potatoes
1/2 cup butter
1/2 cup white sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup evaporated milk
2 eggs
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg (optional)
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ginger (optional)
1 Tbsp. flour
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 unbaked pie shell


1.  Boil sweet potatoes in a large pot for 50 minutes (or until tender).  Remove from pot when done and immerse in cool water OR you can boil them ahead of time and just let them cool on their own.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. 

2.  Remove the skin from the potatoes.  The peel will come off easily.  Then mash the potatoes until they are creamy.

3.  Add the butter to the potatoes and mix well.

4. Now add both sugars, milk, eggs, spices, vanilla extract and the flour.  Mix until mixture becomes smooth.

5.  Pour mixture into prepared pie shell.  Bake for 55-60 minutes.  Remove from the oven and let cool for 30 minutes before placing in the fridge for at least 3 hours to allow the pie to set.

Optional:  This can be served with whipped cream or vanilla ice cream. 

Southern Corn Bread

Preheat over at 375 degrees.

1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
1 cup cornmeal (yellow or white)
1 cups of sugar (or according to taste)
3 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon sea salt
1/3 cup butter, melted and cooled down
2 eggs
1 1/2 cups buttermilk (you can make your own by placing 1 1/2 Tbsps. lemon juice in 1 1/2 cups of warm milk.  Set aside for 10 minutes.)
1 cup creamed corn

* 2 Tbsp. bacon fat (or butter) for the large cast iron frying pan.


1.  Mix dry ingredients in one large bowl.

2.  Mix all wet ingredients in another large bowl. *You can also put these ingredients through the blender.

3.  Place bacon fat in cast iron pan and warm up in oven just until the bacon fat (or butter) is melted.

4.  Make a well in the middle of the dry ingredients and pour in the wet ingredients.  Fold mixture just until dry ingredients are wet. 

5.  Pour entire mixture into the large cast iron frying pan and bake for approximately 45 - 50 minutes.  

* Depending on your oven and the size of the cast iron pan you are using the cooking time may vary.  Test the bread with a tooth pick to see if it is ready. If the tooth pick doesn't come out clean, let the bread bake for another 8 - 10 minutes.

It is easy to get carried away during any festive gathering.  The delicious food, drink, and sweets can be tempting and we can over indulge ourselves.  I like to remind myself that sometimes less is more!

Happy Holidays to you and your families!  I wish you joy, happiness, peace and good health in the New Year.

Until next time,

Deborah

The Looking Glass

 I Miss Feeling Pretty

Recently I was able to have an open, raw conversation with one of my sons in respect to how I am not feeling very pretty as of lately.  With my hair falling out and my scalp showing; not being able to wear make-up or jewelery because of the skin reactions; the visible broken blood vessels and sores; and the rashes; the side effects of treatment have taken a toll on how feminine (or lack of) I am feeling.

I explained that I am feeling guilty for feeling this way. It seems petty and vain. 

 Drug reaction.  It is described as a chemical burn. Very painful. Face is severely swollen.  Did not recognize myself.  My son advised me to lay off the red eye shadow.

When I go out in public and people stare I feel shy and I just want to disappear into the crowd. I am not proud of this at all but it is the truth.

God bless our children! Within 10 minutes my son's words took me to a place of understanding.  My son, Christian, works as a personal trainer, clinician and health care provider.  I asked if he would share his thoughts on this subject with those who read this blog.  

Christian, thank you for your words of encouragement and helping me see the world through another lens when I needed an alternative perspective to consider.

  

 Beauty Is Bone Deep
- by Christian 

As time passes and my understanding of health grows and my experiences with people broaden I see a common theme; people want very much to look attractive and it hurts them and their health when they feel unattractive.

I didn't always accept this condition.  For some time I made an effort to devalue aesthetics and physical appearances opting for a more functional view of health and well being.  

After all:

"Beauty is only skin deep." 

"It does not matter what we look like, what matters is how we feel."

If we may simply define health as 'how good we feel' and the above holds true, then physical appearance should be considered shallow.  In order to be healthy beauty does not need to occupy our concerns.

Although this was my thinking, I could not ignore the pervasiveness and overwhelming value placed upon appearance.  It was everywhere.  I would see it and most importantly ... I would feel it.

One day I wrote a list of all the physical traits we tend to perceive as attractive in another person, the personal traits we aspire for ourselves. I came up with a list which included;

* clear and healthy skin

* strong, rich hair

* clear eyes

* white teeth

* an athletic frame.

These are some of the same traits most health products, fashion designers and make-up producers attempt to improve upon, frame well, magnify or claim to provide to the consumer through their advertising and marketing.

"Use this product for clearer skin."

"Use this make-up to mask unwanted blemishes."

"Now with whitening!"

"Rid yourself of red, puffy eyes with these drops."

"... fortifying hair for a strong and healthy look." 

...and the countless fat reducing; dieting options; and clothes that lift, tuck and mask unflattering and unwanted...ummm..."curves".

(note: the cosmetic and fashion industries alone make over a half trillion dollars a year.  Another testament of how widely this desire spans.)

I looked at this list while attempting to be free from judgment and I noticed something.  There was a very clear comparison from each aesthetically pleasing trait to an example of a healthy body.  You  see, when our organs, GI tract and mind are healthy it is reflected in our skin, hair, eyes, teeth and body composition.  In fact, the idea of attraction and drawing in a mate with traits expressing vitality and fertility is an expression of health.  True health.  Health within.

When we become ill or our body becomes toxic, this too is reflected in our appearance.  It can make us feel unattractive.  We may compound this feeling with guilt because we feel shame.  Shame for valuing something so shallow. These emotions have absolutely no benefit to us.

When we are not well it is difficult to feel beautiful.  It is difficult to feel pretty.  When our bodies become toxic from chemical therapies or poor nutrition or any other over abundance of a stressor we are not shining with confidence.  We are not representing our beauty or good health.

Picture how you or another person looks and feels after they have not slept for 2 days, or after being stuck outside in the winter for too long, or swelling up from an allergic reaction.  All of these are stressors to our system and can lead to a person feeling and looking physically unattractive. 

We are designed to avoid proximity to dangers, to potential health risks, and to that which does not inspire growth. If attraction encourages proximity ... closeness, then (un)attraction promotes distance ... isolation.

I am not suggesting that anyone who is ill or feeling under the weather is thereby all of a sudden an unavoidable monster.  Rather, I am suggesting that it becomes more difficult to value ourselves as attractive while we are experiencing any distress which overwhelms our system be it physical, mental, emotional, chemical, thermal, or other.

Conversely, when a person does anything to inspire health and healing for themselves they may welcome a feeling of beauty. A reciprocal relationship. Just as distress may subtract from health, a eustress may be an addition to health ... to beauty.

To balance the previous examples, imagine how you or another may look after a good night sleep and a warm shower; returning from a peaceful vacation from a beautifully warm climate; or after consuming a deliciously healthy meal full of life and vitamins.  How then would one feel about their appearance? Would their appearance continue to improve so long as they continued to provide themselves with opportunities to heal and build health? I suggest it would. More importantly, as they began to feel better it would be in their best interest to care, appreciate and value their improving appearance - to enjoy and have gratitude for their healthier looking hair, skin, eyes and body.

My contention is, rather than exhausting mental, emotional and monetary resources on masking, distracting or adding to our lack of health, ... our unease, ... our dis ease; we instead use those valuable resources to build health ... to encourage ease ... to feel ... pretty.

There is no harm in having pride in ones appearance so long as they are taking care of their health and not actively detracting from another's. I suggest you embrace feeling beautiful and do those things within your life which encourages you to feel beautiful.

Beauty reaches depths much further than skin deep.  It reaches through us.  When we have those feelings of being unpretty, may we reach to our depths and encourage the development of our health so we may again feel our beauty shine through.

I now suggest a new paradigm:

Beauty is bone deep.
It matters how you feel. It effects how you look.

- CFR 

Recognizing The Joys In My Life

Update:

Word has come in that the cost for the final 12 weeks of HCV triple treatment will now be covered. (I'm doing the happy dance...)

I would first like to thank all the people who have graciously included me in their prayers.  I believe in the power of prayer and that each of you helped in the final outcome.  We could not have done this without your heart felt prayers. 

There are also three very kind, generous, patient and strong willed individuals I need to thank.  They were nothing short of tenacious in their efforts to see this situation corrected.  For this, I am deeply grateful and fortunate. So, on we go with the final quarter of the treatment. 

Joys In My Life

When was the last time you were fully present ... mind, body, heart and spirit ... while reflecting on the joys in your life? 

I start the day by giving thanks for the things that bring me happiness and joy. As I do, I can feel my heart well up with a warmth that I can only describe as being a sacred ceremony. It is similar to what I sensed the first time I felt each of my children move in my belly and when I held them for their first moments of life following their birth.

Reflecting on the joys in my life has not always been effortless.  I remember when I found out I had HCV.  Believe me, I wasn't caught up in the blessings of my life - I was more caught up in the anger, fear, and shame I was experiencing. Friends and medical professionals told me I should focus on the good things in my life. I have often heard myself offering the same well meaning advice to others but it is far easier said then done when someone receives news that will change the course of their life.

During the early months following the diagnosis, my daily ceremony of gratitude slowly manifested into a disconnected mechanical ritual.  It became a mental practice that my heart just didn't feel like showing up for. There was nothing authentic about it. Who did I think I was fooling?

Counting our blessings can be a difficult process to fully show up for when the mind, heart and spirit is otherwise preoccupied.  How many of us have been taught how to truly connect with our heart and spirit?  How many of us have been taught how to pray or even what prayer is?  Within time I realized I needed to reconnect.  The only way I knew how to do this was to immerse myself in the very things that bring me joy.  Simply listing them was only leaving me feeling empty and fraudulent. 

To this day, these are just a few of the joys in my life I reconnect with when life gets too big and heavy for my shoulders:

* I call, text or write to one or more of my children and I take in each moment of the exchange. Once I feel my heart overflow with the love I feel for them I give thanks that they chose me as their mom.  

* I connect with a friend (in person, telephone, text, email...) and I express how much they mean to me and how grateful I am for our friendship.

* I look through old photographs of my ancestors and other loved ones who have moved onto the spirit world. I recall some of the humorous stories connected to them and the many reasons why I am grateful they were in my life.

* I pick up my guitar and play until my fingers can no longer touch the strings because I got so caught up in the joy of creating and playing music that I lost track of time ... and I give thanks.

* I get in the jeep, turn on some favorite tunes and take a drive on the outskirts of town. I love the landscape around here! We have wildlife, evergreens, lakes and miles of rocky hills.  It is a beautiful, peaceful place to live ... and I give thanks.

* I sit in our home and take a good look around me recalling the stories that come with the colorful handmade quilt draped on the wall, or the old stained glass window hanging in the living room. And I give thanks for these artistic pieces of history entrusted to my care. 

My point is this - we have choices in this life.  We can be satisfied to mechanically list the things in our lives we think we should be grateful for OR we can whole heartedly reconnect with these gifts and embracing a new appreciation for these blessings ... and then release.

Until next time ... with care,

Deborah 

Balancing Mind, Body & Spirit

Week 2 of the 21 Day Meditation Challenge

I have entered week 2 of the 21 Day Meditation Challenge - Creating Abundance.  It is going well.  I am enjoying the teachings delivered by Deepak Chopra.

Photograph courtesy of Trey Ratcliff www.stuckincustoms.com

Meditation is certainly one of the tools I have found that successfully works for me not only during treatment but as a key part of my day to day core wellness routine.  It is not a simple task finding a personal daily practice that helps balance the mind, body and spirit, especially when the physical body is struggling due to the side effects of medications.  I find meditation and yoga is more suited to me than a workout involving weights, jogging, or an elliptical machine.

My daily practice has definitely altered since starting the HCV triple treatment.  This is understandable.  Treatment has brought me into territory that can be physically, mentally and even spiritually challenging.  Days when I have a fever, headache, fatigue and the nausea is demanding my attention I will meditate 3 - 4 times a day at shorter intervals.  I find it helps me manage the discomfort I am experiencing and it can quieten some of the bigger waves of nausea that come and go.  Although I know meditation is the best medicine on these days, I do not find it easy to stick with it but once I start I feel the benefits immediately.  Other days when I am feeling stronger I practice a lengthier sitting either in the morning or evening.

Meditation can be useful when I am in the doctor's office or the lab and there is an extended waiting time before I can be seen.  Meditation helps me remain patient (excuse the pun), gives me something beneficial to do, and I can often tune out distracting sounds around me.

Whether it is a walk in your neighborhood with a friend, a 20 minute meditation session, or going to the gym - I hope you are able to find something to participate in today that nourishes your mind, spirit and body.

Until next time,

Deborah

A Few Updates

Here is the latest news.  Some good...some not so much.

Update: November 4, 2012

Thanks to the good work from a representative at Pegassist the funding request they sent into the Trillium Drug Program for coverage of the acromegaly treatment drug has come through.  Yea!

Update: November 6, 2012

Yesterday late afternoon I was informed that my continued coverage for the HCV triple treatment drugs has now also been 'rejected'.  I am 34 weeks into the treatment and this is devastating news to receive at this point in the process. 

I have spoken with the 3 parties involved and I am presently waiting to hear where the problem lays.  Without this coverage I may be forced to stop mid-treatment. As it turns out my body has accepted the treatment quite well up to this point.  To have to stop due to lack of funding at this point in the treatment is beyond sad and frustrating.

Anyone reading this who believes in pray - I welcome your prayers for the funding to come through so I can complete the final 14 weeks. 

*Funding for the HCV treatment is separate from the funding for the acromegaly treatment.

Respectfully,

Deborah  

21 Day Meditation Challenge through the Chopra Centre

I woke up this morning feeling stronger than I have felt for some time.  Even my mind seemed to have renewed clarity.  This may be due to a number of things i.e., the Sandostatin treatment has settled in and is doing its job; also, I am due for the peg-interferon injection tonight so my body may have less of the drug moving through it right now.  What ever the reasons, I am not going to over analyze the gift.

After getting my bi-weekly blood work completed this morning I decided to go and pick up a few groceries at one of our local store.  I can't believe how many people are in the grocery store on a Monday morning!  I just took my time and let the aggressive marathon shoppers have their way.  I was able to get a few items before my "get up and go" meter moved into the red.  Still, I didn't let that get the best of me.  I am going to enjoy every moment of this day and take full advantage of the energy I have left.

So, here I am... updating the blog.

Today, I am sharing with readers that the Chopra Centre started their next "21 Day Meditation Challenge".

This challenge is comprised of 21 days of meditation instruction that will help the participant develop life changing skills and techniques key to living a more balanced and joyful life.

Each 21 Day Meditation Challenge series has it's own theme.  This particular series is on Creating Abundance. This support offered by the Chopra Center is free.  If you are interested, please click on the link 21 Day Meditation Challenge and sign up. 

Even though the challenge started today, it is not too late to register.  

Until next time....

Deborah

Phases & Stages

October 30, 2012

Yes, I am still here…

Has it been worth it?  “…absolutely YES!”

As I enter into week 33 of treatment and review what has occurred during these past 7 months I feel a sense of encouragement … “things are going to be more than okay”.  I have made it over a few life changing hurdles that have reminded me of how resilient I can be.

The hair loss, rashes, soars, allergic reactions, chemical-like burns, facial swelling, vomiting, bleeding, adverse drug interactions, severe fatigue, weakness, fevers, headaches, lack of sleep, upper and lower abdominal pain, lower back pain, muscle contractions, and limited concentration have at times proven to be difficult to endure. Has it been worth it? If the virus is undetectable and does not return … absolutely YES!

Outside of the challenges directly related to stage-4 cirrhosis and HCV treatment the trials that occasionally come with life have added their own sting to this mix. During this process I have received news of my stepfather passing away, then my birth father, followed by my sister. I hadn’t fully mourned the loss of one when news of the next passing arrived.  I fell into a depression for a few weeks.

I contacted a couple of trusted friends who listened and patiently supported me while I talked through it. They kept in contact with me every day for a few weeks and helped me work through what I needed to.  My children proved to be an enormous support as well.  In time I started to feel myself breathing from a healthy place again and I was smiling.

“Things are going to be more than okay.”

It seemed like I just got my breath back when I received a call from my boss.  She informed me that I was no longer employed by the educational institute I had worked for over the past 5 ½ years.  As she spoke on the other end of the telephone my internal dialog kept repeating, “Who does this to an employee while they are on medical leave and part way through a treatment?”

 

Whether a person is able or willing to return to their place of employment once treatment has completed is one thing.  But to implement a decision like this mid-way through an employee’s treatment while they are fighting for their life, in my opinion, is a cruel and unusual practice.  There are alternative options that would not produce such damaging consequences.  I felt like a fool for placing my trust in this person’s word when I was assured before I left on sick leave that this wouldn’t happen.

Days after initially receiving the news of my dismissal I would learn the extent of how this turn of events would affect my medical insurance.  By the end of the month I would no longer have coverage for my medical needs outside of the HCV treatment drugs and even this coverage will cease within 6 months.

  

Although I was relieved and grateful that I would be okay re: the HCV treatment coverage, I also needed to consider how I was going to continue covering the costs for the acromegaly treatment and other drugs being prescribed.  And then there is the dental work needed once treatment is completed. I am in serious trouble. “How can I possibly cover thousands of dollars per month in pharmaceutical bills?” “How will I possibly cover the monthly premium of a new insurance policy?” 

It took me awhile to move past the shock.  When I snapped out of it, I went right into damage control.  I needed to be as quick and aggressive as this treatment.  People rallied together on my behalf and worked with me.  I couldn’t have made it through without them.

The Pegassist Drug Program also stepped in to lend a hand.  They have proven to be an irreplaceable support through all of this.  They also took care of the application to Trillium requesting full coverage (not just the previous 15%) for the acromegaly treatment and other prescribed drugs.



 

“Treatment does not afford its patients the energy needed to fight these avoidable battles.”

One fire out and in no time another popped up. News came in from the pharmacy that the status of my medical insurance coverage was coming up in the computer as 'discontinued'. “How could this be? I was told I had coverage until the end of the month for the acromegaly treatment and other prescription drugs.” 


After using up a great deal of energy and resources, along with some creative thinking with the pharmacist, phone calls and a meeting - an administration error between my former place of employment and the insurance company was uncovered.  With the cooperation of both parties involved the mistake was eventually corrected.  The domino effect this kind of slip-up creates is preventable.  Treatment does not afford its patients the energy needed to fight these avoidable battles.


 

Each day I remind myself, “I will get through this and things will be more than okay. Nothing is permanent.”

Regardless of whether the news is the loss of someone we love, a career ending, or a relationship changing – life goes on and death will remain a fundamental part of it…and then again so will rebirth.

Note: Please refer to November 7th, 2012 posting for updates.


Respectfully,

Deborah

Strive To Be Happy

I recently watched an Oprah's Master Class with guest Morgan Freeman.  Mr. Freeman talked about a poem he use to have posted inside the cabin of his boat.

As he shared parts of the poem with the audience, I found myself feeling inspired by the words and their delivery. I researched the internet and found the piece.  Here it is...

I have added some photographs by Trey Ratcliff, a generous and gifted photographer.  I encourage you to visit Trey's website www.stuckincustoms.com and view his works.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

Photos courtesy of Trey Ratcliff www.stuckincustoms.com

 

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

 Photos courtesy of Trey Ratcliff www.stuckincustoms.com

Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

 Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

 Photos courtesy of Trey Ratcliff www.stuckincustoms.com

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

Photos courtesy of Trey Ratcliff www.stuckincustoms.com

 

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

 Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him (Her) to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

 Photos courtesy of Trey Ratcliff www.stuckincustoms.com

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. 

Be cheerful. 

Strive to be happy. 

© Max Ehrmann 1927

Meditation App Worth Checking Out

I must admit - I miss facilitating meditation sessions on a day to day basis.  I miss the new comers and the meditators who participate on a regular basis.

Group sessions are not for everyone.  Some people like the support they receive from those they can meditate with in the same room.  Others, like myself, enjoy a more private practice. However, it is nice to know someone - somewhere in the world is meditating at the same time as I am.

My friend Val introduced me to an app for android or ipad/ipod users and it has caught my attention. The app is called Insight Timer.  It comes with a series of sounds such as Tibetan bowls and chimes that the user can choose to hear during their practice.  You set the app's timer for the length of time you want to meditate; you choose the sound you want to hear as you go into your meditation, mid-way through (optional), and at the completion of your session; and press 'start'.

An added bonus - this app connects you to a worldwide community of meditators. You can see who has just meditated at the same time as your session and you are given an opportunity to send them a brief message of gratitude if you so choose.

This app offers a meditation journal; you can see who is meditating in your region (as long as they are using the app); it keeps track of the days you meditated; and much more.

There are free versions available on line.  I opted to pay for the added features. I use it every day, sometimes twice in the day. I have met meditators from Mexico, Brazil, Africa, Finland, Japan, USA, France, Italy, Australia and other parts of Canada.

Well worth the $2.99!

Until next time,

Deborah 

"We are all related. We all help each other. This is life" - Bluewater
                                               

We Are Beautiful the Way We Are

Beginning of Week 15

Years ago when I found out that non A - non B was actually hepatitis C it was a defining moment for me and my family.  What followed has been a bumpy road and at times a tumultuous journey. But there have also been times that called for celebration. 

My children, understanding friends, caring compassionate doctors and nurses, along with the passing of time have all helped smooth out many of the bumps.  The rest of the rough patches have been up to me. 

Canada has come a long way since the early '80s.  We now have support groups, public educational programs on HCV,  available treatments,  along with government funding for out reach programs and research.  But no matter what is in place, it doesn't seem to have an impact on how some people see and react to someone with HCV.

I welcome questions.  It is an opportunity that may help folks understand. But what I don't look forward to is the silent reaction that can sometimes appear on an inquisitive person's face when they hear I have HCV.  Unintentional as many reactions are - as the recipient on this end of the exchange it has an impact on me when I see someone scowl or recoil. I have experienced individuals who have become confrontational and abusive. The debates I have witnessed have made my hair stand on end.

Years ago I had a doctor treat me with such disrespect that his nurse spoke with me following the visit and apologized for how I was treated. What I respected most was that in front of the other staff standing by, the nurse made no excuses for the doctor's behavior. I sincerely thanked her for what she shared and for going out on a limb. I never returned.

I have experienced people who did not want to work with me and I've had a few relationships with folks who created what appeared to them to be 'reasonable boundaries'. Fear can lead people through dark places they would otherwise never travel.

One of the most difficult experiences I had was 14 years into a committed relationship.  My partner at the time became withdrawn, distant and showed signs of resentment and anger towards me. At the time, our intimate relationship came to an abrupt halt.  I could see he was in mental and emotion anguish.  When he finally agreed to discuss what was going on, his fears concerning contracting HCV from me came spilling out in words I believe he wanted to retract at the very moment they purged from his mouth. Even though he had known from the beginning of our relationship that I had HCV, this delayed reaction didn't appear to come with any memory of previous information, facts and responsibilities we had discussed for years regarding the virus. Today, I understand this sometimes happens.  For the next 7 years I don't recall us discussing HCV with each other again. We stopped working together in many areas of the relationship. We allowed the losses we both suffered to be stronger than the good that was left.

I share these examples not because I am venting but because I have reasons to believe they are not uncommon.  If a light goes on for someone when they read this, then it will be worth opening myself up in this way.

Today there remains stereotypes - that people with HCV are drug addicts, lower class citizens, undesirables and that patients with cirrhosis of the liver are alcoholics.  Through patience, understanding, compassion, restraint and strength I am still learning how I can best respond to this ignorance.  At times, no response is the best response and other times I need to speak up.  I choose to pick my battles carefully.

Outside of collecting data for medical purposes, statistics or educational purposes, why does it matter to folks how someone contracted this virus? Whether it was from a blood transfusion, hypodermic needle puncture, intervenes drug use or other blood to blood contact; should it not matter more that each person with HCV is a human being who in one brief moment of time was in an unfortunate place, under unfortunate circumstances that will likely affect them for the rest of their life?

May we recognize the beauty in what exists before us. May we focus on each others strengths and gifts. And may we strive to learn from each other with an open heart and open mind.

Until next time,

Deborah

Quick Facts

from the Public Health Agency of Canada

Did you know...

• In Canada, an estimated 242,500 individuals are infected with (HCV).

• Approximately 21% of those individuals don't know they are infected and remain undiagnosed.

• Many people infected with HCV have no symptoms and are unaware of their infection, but they are still infectious.

• Hepatitis C is NOT spread by casual contact such as hugging, kissing or shaking hands. The virus is not found in food or water.

Going With the Flow

I am one quarter of the way through the treatment and I am still going with the flow - taking things one drop at a time. 

Over all, I believe I am one of the lucky ones as the treatment is working quite well with my system. 

Friday I received a call regarding my 12 week viral load blood work.  The results came back (-) negative! The virus is still non detectable in my blood.  This is exceptional news.  Although the 4 week viral load results also came back as (-), I understand this can change over the course.  If it does or if a patient is not responding well to the therapy, then there is a possibility the patient is pulled off the treatment. I feel very fortunate to say the least.

I will continue the ribavirin and peginterferon injections for the second phase of the treatment straight through until mid-March 2013.

The rashes have now become somewhat manageable. I purchased an extra soft toothbrush for my teeth which has lessened some of the oral bleeding. Last week I thought I may have to go into a clinic as I couldn't get the bleeding under control.  After a little over an hour it slowed down and eventually stopped. There hasn't been a repeat like that since. I find Listerine 2 times a day has been helpful.
 

 
I am back to eating a few of my favorite foods with low to no fat.  

I have been able to do some pilates for about 5 minutes 3x a week.  It puts me on my ass-et but I find my over all energy is picking up a bit.

One thing I have not tired of is good, wholesome comedy.  I have been watching some episodes of Friends.  I had forgotten how much I use to enjoy this series years ago. 

I just saw a movie called Death at a Funeral with Chris Rock, Danny Glover, Martin Lawrence and a host of other well known comedians.  This movie cracked me up to the point of tears...hilarious. 

So, for now, I will continue to go with the flow.  No matter what the day brings there seems to be something that makes me smile and laugh.

Until next time,


Deborah