Meditation App Worth Checking Out

I must admit - I miss facilitating meditation sessions on a day to day basis.  I miss the new comers and the meditators who participate on a regular basis.

Group sessions are not for everyone.  Some people like the support they receive from those they can meditate with in the same room.  Others, like myself, enjoy a more private practice. However, it is nice to know someone - somewhere in the world is meditating at the same time as I am.

My friend Val introduced me to an app for android or ipad/ipod users and it has caught my attention. The app is called Insight Timer.  It comes with a series of sounds such as Tibetan bowls and chimes that the user can choose to hear during their practice.  You set the app's timer for the length of time you want to meditate; you choose the sound you want to hear as you go into your meditation, mid-way through (optional), and at the completion of your session; and press 'start'.

An added bonus - this app connects you to a worldwide community of meditators. You can see who has just meditated at the same time as your session and you are given an opportunity to send them a brief message of gratitude if you so choose.

This app offers a meditation journal; you can see who is meditating in your region (as long as they are using the app); it keeps track of the days you meditated; and much more.

There are free versions available on line.  I opted to pay for the added features. I use it every day, sometimes twice in the day. I have met meditators from Mexico, Brazil, Africa, Finland, Japan, USA, France, Italy, Australia and other parts of Canada.

Well worth the $2.99!

Until next time,

Deborah 

"We are all related. We all help each other. This is life" - Bluewater
                                               

We Are Beautiful the Way We Are

Beginning of Week 15

Years ago when I found out that non A - non B was actually hepatitis C it was a defining moment for me and my family.  What followed has been a bumpy road and at times a tumultuous journey. But there have also been times that called for celebration. 

My children, understanding friends, caring compassionate doctors and nurses, along with the passing of time have all helped smooth out many of the bumps.  The rest of the rough patches have been up to me. 

Canada has come a long way since the early '80s.  We now have support groups, public educational programs on HCV,  available treatments,  along with government funding for out reach programs and research.  But no matter what is in place, it doesn't seem to have an impact on how some people see and react to someone with HCV.

I welcome questions.  It is an opportunity that may help folks understand. But what I don't look forward to is the silent reaction that can sometimes appear on an inquisitive person's face when they hear I have HCV.  Unintentional as many reactions are - as the recipient on this end of the exchange it has an impact on me when I see someone scowl or recoil. I have experienced individuals who have become confrontational and abusive. The debates I have witnessed have made my hair stand on end.

Years ago I had a doctor treat me with such disrespect that his nurse spoke with me following the visit and apologized for how I was treated. What I respected most was that in front of the other staff standing by, the nurse made no excuses for the doctor's behavior. I sincerely thanked her for what she shared and for going out on a limb. I never returned.

I have experienced people who did not want to work with me and I've had a few relationships with folks who created what appeared to them to be 'reasonable boundaries'. Fear can lead people through dark places they would otherwise never travel.

One of the most difficult experiences I had was 14 years into a committed relationship.  My partner at the time became withdrawn, distant and showed signs of resentment and anger towards me. At the time, our intimate relationship came to an abrupt halt.  I could see he was in mental and emotion anguish.  When he finally agreed to discuss what was going on, his fears concerning contracting HCV from me came spilling out in words I believe he wanted to retract at the very moment they purged from his mouth. Even though he had known from the beginning of our relationship that I had HCV, this delayed reaction didn't appear to come with any memory of previous information, facts and responsibilities we had discussed for years regarding the virus. Today, I understand this sometimes happens.  For the next 7 years I don't recall us discussing HCV with each other again. We stopped working together in many areas of the relationship. We allowed the losses we both suffered to be stronger than the good that was left.

I share these examples not because I am venting but because I have reasons to believe they are not uncommon.  If a light goes on for someone when they read this, then it will be worth opening myself up in this way.

Today there remains stereotypes - that people with HCV are drug addicts, lower class citizens, undesirables and that patients with cirrhosis of the liver are alcoholics.  Through patience, understanding, compassion, restraint and strength I am still learning how I can best respond to this ignorance.  At times, no response is the best response and other times I need to speak up.  I choose to pick my battles carefully.

Outside of collecting data for medical purposes, statistics or educational purposes, why does it matter to folks how someone contracted this virus? Whether it was from a blood transfusion, hypodermic needle puncture, intervenes drug use or other blood to blood contact; should it not matter more that each person with HCV is a human being who in one brief moment of time was in an unfortunate place, under unfortunate circumstances that will likely affect them for the rest of their life?

May we recognize the beauty in what exists before us. May we focus on each others strengths and gifts. And may we strive to learn from each other with an open heart and open mind.

Until next time,

Deborah

Quick Facts

from the Public Health Agency of Canada

Did you know...

• In Canada, an estimated 242,500 individuals are infected with (HCV).

• Approximately 21% of those individuals don't know they are infected and remain undiagnosed.

• Many people infected with HCV have no symptoms and are unaware of their infection, but they are still infectious.

• Hepatitis C is NOT spread by casual contact such as hugging, kissing or shaking hands. The virus is not found in food or water.

Going With the Flow

I am one quarter of the way through the treatment and I am still going with the flow - taking things one drop at a time. 

Over all, I believe I am one of the lucky ones as the treatment is working quite well with my system. 

Friday I received a call regarding my 12 week viral load blood work.  The results came back (-) negative! The virus is still non detectable in my blood.  This is exceptional news.  Although the 4 week viral load results also came back as (-), I understand this can change over the course.  If it does or if a patient is not responding well to the therapy, then there is a possibility the patient is pulled off the treatment. I feel very fortunate to say the least.

I will continue the ribavirin and peginterferon injections for the second phase of the treatment straight through until mid-March 2013.

The rashes have now become somewhat manageable. I purchased an extra soft toothbrush for my teeth which has lessened some of the oral bleeding. Last week I thought I may have to go into a clinic as I couldn't get the bleeding under control.  After a little over an hour it slowed down and eventually stopped. There hasn't been a repeat like that since. I find Listerine 2 times a day has been helpful.
 

 
I am back to eating a few of my favorite foods with low to no fat.  

I have been able to do some pilates for about 5 minutes 3x a week.  It puts me on my ass-et but I find my over all energy is picking up a bit.

One thing I have not tired of is good, wholesome comedy.  I have been watching some episodes of Friends.  I had forgotten how much I use to enjoy this series years ago. 

I just saw a movie called Death at a Funeral with Chris Rock, Danny Glover, Martin Lawrence and a host of other well known comedians.  This movie cracked me up to the point of tears...hilarious. 

So, for now, I will continue to go with the flow.  No matter what the day brings there seems to be something that makes me smile and laugh.

Until next time,


Deborah

We Can All Use A Hand Up

The Pegasys combination treatment is going well.  The nausea has toned down some and I am certainly grateful I am not consuming such a high volume of fat throughout the day.  The headaches have increased though and I am experiencing shaking and weakness.  Yesterday, I spoke to my doctor about this when I went for my other treatment shot.  He is going to monitor this to make sure I am not experiencing hypoglycemia. I now have 3 different rashes and am on 2 different creams to help clear them up.

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Last Saturday as I was cooking in my kitchen I had a clear view of a young boy about 5 years old practicing riding his bike.  There he was in his bright colored helmet.  It looked like a medicine ball sitting on his shoulders and clearly had some weight to it. He struggled to maintain balance with his head, his upper torso and his bike while he traveled up and down the sidewalk. His little body wobbled like a weeble on top of the two wheeler.

Next thing I know - he fell on the pavement.  The bike was on top of him and he was struggling to keep his head up off the ground.

To the rescue comes another little lad I recognize to be his younger brother, who by the way is about 4 yrs. old.  He raced over to his bro, placed his hand on his brother's upper back while leaning in to assess the situation. He carefully helped his brother up, squatted down and brushed the gravel off his brother's legs. He gently took his injured brother's hand and strategically placed it in his own with such purpose. Then he bent over and attempted to stand the bike up with his other hand and walk the two of them up the sidewalk.

Between his brother and the bike the younger bro was not able to hold the weight.  His older brother appeared to recognize this and in a blink of an eye, found the strength to pull it together and walk his own bike in the direction of where they live.

Two young boys who showed such compassion and respect for each other.  It was a moment I am grateful to have witnessed. It reminded me how precious those moments are when we witness someone unconditionally extend a compassionate hand.

If we can't find a soft place to fall, may it be a gentle hand that helps us up and brushes the gravel off our knees.  

I want to thank all the individuals who are there each day - each week,  extending their hand out to me.  You inspire me to do my best each day.

In the Spirit of Deep Gratitude

Deborah

The Work Continues...

While on this treatment I can’t expect the medication to be the sole compound doing the work needed in order for my quality of life to increase.  This treatment is an intricate component in the removal of HCV from my physical body but there are other considerations to look at here. 

I understand when I am not well, no matter what it is, I am required to look at my physical, emotional, mental and spiritual self.  Rarely is it just one thing off balance.  In this case, I believe the virus and how it is affecting my body is influenced by my thoughts, emotions and beliefs. Everything is interconnected. Everything moves together.

I have been looking at some emotional issues that remain unresolved - that I have been toting around with me for a few years following a traumatic time in my life. Some may say this isn’t the time to be dealing with such issues.  I believe this IS the time to work through these matters.

Over the past 16 weeks I have started doing good work in this area.  I have to admit – I am not proud of some of what I am seeing. But this isn’t the point.  The point is that I am no longer ignoring the things that needed my attention for some time now.  

Like meditation, no one is going to knock on my door and offer to do this work for me. 

I have allowed unsettled emotions to fester and spread like the virus in my body. They have also caused damage along the way.  Unlike the hepatitis C virus, there is no medication that is going to clear them up for me.  This work has to come from me.

So, I go slowly and in a gentle way.  I talk to qualified individuals whom I trust.  And I do my homework while I am planting in the garden, writing in my journal, or meditating.  I seek out things that bring me happiness and peace. I am moving past the individuals who demand and take what is not offered to them and I am surrounding myself with people who are kind, compassionate and loving.  

I smile at the goodness in my life… and I continue to do the work necessary.

Until next time,

Deborah

Week 13: Update

Telaprevir Stage - Completed

Last night I had my final dose of telaprevir.  I am extremely grateful this drug adopted me as an ideal candidate for this triple therapy treatment.  

With this stage of the therapy coming to a finish I  completed my 2nd viral load blood test.  The results will be available within 3 to 4 weeks.  

 

I found the nausea increased considerably this past week.  It took a great deal of focus and discipline for me not to give into purging. I found the food just wasn't digesting at the rate it should.  I really believe the fat was the catalyst for this.

I will not miss eating 20 grams of fat 3 times a day. One of the things I was most looking forward to after completing this stage is waking up in the morning to a breakfast with no added fat, no counting fat, and no forced eating. 

This mornings dose of meds was taken with multi grains and blueberries.  I notice a considerable difference in how I feel. The main difference being - I do not feel any food sitting in my stomach, fermenting.

Until next time,


Deborah