January Cold Snap

You know the winter season has settled in when the cold snap arrives!  It was only a few weeks ago that we were experiencing above zero Celsius weather.  This week we hit temperatures colder than -40C with the wind chill. A good time to be indoors!

When I was a young girl on the farm and it was cold like this, we use to bundle up and travel from farm to farm by horse drawn open wagon.  The cold just seemed more tolerable then.  I loved to watch the breath of the horses billow up into the air like steam from the natural hot springs. The powdery snow would rise up as each hoof hit the ground. 

My uncle use put sleigh bells on the horses so folks could hear us coming. Between those bells and the sound of eight hooves hitting the earth ... I felt like I was close to something sacred. The land was so peaceful.

When I became a young adult I moved closer to the Rockies.  In my twenties it became a regular weekend and mid-week venture for a group of us to go downhill skiing in Sunshine Valley or at Lake Louise.  I use to pack some food for the big horned sheep that would come down off the mountain.  Once we would make our way out of the vehicles these friendly, trusting animals would quickly make their way over to us.  They would literally surround you, sniffing you to see if you had something tantalizing for them to eat. When there were eight or more of them around you they could get a little pushy. Still, they were magnificent creatures.  I hear from friends that there are not as many of these big horns seen now compared to back in the 70's and 80's. With the mining and forestry much has changed back home.

Now I am living in a completely different region of Canada.  It isn't the same as the west but it has plenty of its own charm. 

There is a field just out back where I live.  It is a popular spot for dog walkers.  I look forward to seeing the dogs hit that field right after a big snowfall when there are no tracks laid by cross country skiers or ATVs.  The dogs plow through that powder like it is their first time experiencing snow.  Eventually, they stop and pop their little heads up just waiting for someone to chase them.

 

We have a number of spots by the lakes with groomed board walks for those folks who like to take an afternoon walk and soak up some winter sun. There are plenty of lakes to skate on and even a few hills to go sliding and skiing.

A persons energy level can be quite low while on treatment.  When you are dealing with a fever it can be difficult getting yourself psyched up to go out in the cold.  Even if it is for a 10 minute walk or a drive to the out skirts of town - it is important to get out and take in some fresh air. 

What ever it is you choose to do, I hope you are able to do it with someone you can cuddle up with when the cold gets a little too much. Moments like that can turn into life long memories ... and memories are even more special when we can share them.

Until next time,

Deborah

Flu & Cold Season

Here in Ontario, Canada we are presently dealing with an outbreak of influenza and cold virus' that are knocking folks on their backside.  Health providers are seeing healthy individuals with strong immunes systems being hospitalized because of complications due to these virus'.

The weather has been unusually warm compared to what we generally experience at this time of year.  Add in the rainfall we have received and you have a petri dish just waiting to host the next viral rave.

Honey can be one of the best foods for us during influenza season.

During treatment I have experienced a number of set backs due to infections, intense nausea, bleeding and all the unrequested gifts that want to tag along with these challenges but I had yet to be hit with influenza.

Two weeks ago the HCV nurse sent me into my physicians office to have him look at me.  I had a nasty throat, sinus and ear infection.  I thought I understood what a virus or cold could do to me while my immune system is down and my white blood cell count is in the underachiever zone. Well...I didn't fully understand the seriousness or the added challenges that can be involved. A simple cold can turn into pneumonia quickly.

After completing a high dose of antibiotics I have now started experiencing pain in the region of my left kidney.  The good news is that the bleeding from my nose and throat has stopped for the first time in months!  Yeah!

The HCV nurse took a look at my limbs after I described the swelling, red dots, and red / purple coloration on my legs.  Some days I haven't been able to fit into my shoes due to the swelling. The pain  throughout my legs can be difficult to manage at times.  I understand this is not uncommon in stage 4 cirrhosis. My son showed me some exercises that help drain the lymph nodes in the legs. These are proving to be very helpful. 

I am still bleeding from somewhere in the colon.  This and the kidney pain are my next areas of trouble shooting when I see my doctor in a few days.

I encourage HCV patients to see a health professional as soon as possible if they are experiencing anything unusual or painful during treatment and/or post treatment.  Assuming that what ever it is will just run its natural course can be a risky gamble and one you are likely to lose.  HCV and triple treatment both put an added stain on the immune system. 

A gentle reminder to readers:  If you see someone wearing a surgical mask while they are out in public please do not assume THEY are infected with a cold or flu virus.  It may be their immune system is so low this is their only means of protecting themselves when folks WITH the virus' are out in public areas coughing and sneezing without covering their mouth and nose. Please be kind and understanding. 


Until next time,

Deborah

Happy New Year!

There IS a light...

I now see the completion of treatment as a visible light in the distance.

  Courtesy of Trey Ratcliff @ www.stuckincustoms.ca

As I enter week 43 of the HCV Triple Therapy I feel a sense of anticipation mixed with relief.  I have to admit, I am also experiencing fear of the unknown.  "What am I going to do when all of this is completed?"


I will need to generate new work in my area of experience and training, along with a comfortable income and full medical insurance. It needs to be something that I love to do in a caring, healthy community... but for now, I need to keep reminding myself NOT to get ahead of the process.  My belief in how everything has its own time and rhythm slows me down when I allow my thoughts to get too far ahead. 
  

What I do believe is good for me right now is making some plans as to what I can do to celebrate the completion of this milestone.  I have a few ideas that I would like to discuss with my children and a couple of friends who have been right by my side through this process.  One is to have an intimate ceremony. During it, I would like to light some balloon lanterns (one for each month of treatment) to honour what has taken place and the people who helped me through the journey. The lanterns will also represent lighting the way for new beginnings.

Life is good!

Until next time,

Deborah

Happy Holiday Season

Each year the Holiday Season seems to sweep in so quickly.  It feels like I just turned over the flower beds to prepare them for the winter.  But...here it is...ready or not.

This year two of my sons will be helping me prepare the Christmas dinner.  My youngest is not able to be here with us.  He is working in another province for the holidays.  I pray that a lovely family will invite him into their home to celebrate the holidays.  We will miss him greatly! 

We have decided on something less traditional this year.  We will be enjoying seafood that comes straight from the east coast. There is a small family owned fish market in town that carries some of the best lobster.  Of course, our special family dinners just wouldn't be the same without southern sweet potato pie and corn bread.  They are two special recipes that my children will travel miles just to indulge their taste buds.  I love watching them as they enjoy every bite.

So, for this entry I would like to share with you a couple of recipes you may want to consider trying.  They are easy to make and they do not call for a lot of fancy ingredients.

Southern Sweet Potato Pie

2 cups of mashed sweet potatoes
1/2 cup butter
1/2 cup white sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup evaporated milk
2 eggs
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg (optional)
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ginger (optional)
1 Tbsp. flour
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 unbaked pie shell


1.  Boil sweet potatoes in a large pot for 50 minutes (or until tender).  Remove from pot when done and immerse in cool water OR you can boil them ahead of time and just let them cool on their own.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. 

2.  Remove the skin from the potatoes.  The peel will come off easily.  Then mash the potatoes until they are creamy.

3.  Add the butter to the potatoes and mix well.

4. Now add both sugars, milk, eggs, spices, vanilla extract and the flour.  Mix until mixture becomes smooth.

5.  Pour mixture into prepared pie shell.  Bake for 55-60 minutes.  Remove from the oven and let cool for 30 minutes before placing in the fridge for at least 3 hours to allow the pie to set.

Optional:  This can be served with whipped cream or vanilla ice cream. 

Southern Corn Bread

Preheat over at 375 degrees.

1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
1 cup cornmeal (yellow or white)
1 cups of sugar (or according to taste)
3 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon sea salt
1/3 cup butter, melted and cooled down
2 eggs
1 1/2 cups buttermilk (you can make your own by placing 1 1/2 Tbsps. lemon juice in 1 1/2 cups of warm milk.  Set aside for 10 minutes.)
1 cup creamed corn

* 2 Tbsp. bacon fat (or butter) for the large cast iron frying pan.


1.  Mix dry ingredients in one large bowl.

2.  Mix all wet ingredients in another large bowl. *You can also put these ingredients through the blender.

3.  Place bacon fat in cast iron pan and warm up in oven just until the bacon fat (or butter) is melted.

4.  Make a well in the middle of the dry ingredients and pour in the wet ingredients.  Fold mixture just until dry ingredients are wet. 

5.  Pour entire mixture into the large cast iron frying pan and bake for approximately 45 - 50 minutes.  

* Depending on your oven and the size of the cast iron pan you are using the cooking time may vary.  Test the bread with a tooth pick to see if it is ready. If the tooth pick doesn't come out clean, let the bread bake for another 8 - 10 minutes.

It is easy to get carried away during any festive gathering.  The delicious food, drink, and sweets can be tempting and we can over indulge ourselves.  I like to remind myself that sometimes less is more!

Happy Holidays to you and your families!  I wish you joy, happiness, peace and good health in the New Year.

Until next time,

Deborah

The Looking Glass

 I Miss Feeling Pretty

Recently I was able to have an open, raw conversation with one of my sons in respect to how I am not feeling very pretty as of lately.  With my hair falling out and my scalp showing; not being able to wear make-up or jewelery because of the skin reactions; the visible broken blood vessels and sores; and the rashes; the side effects of treatment have taken a toll on how feminine (or lack of) I am feeling.

I explained that I am feeling guilty for feeling this way. It seems petty and vain. 

 Drug reaction.  It is described as a chemical burn. Very painful. Face is severely swollen.  Did not recognize myself.  My son advised me to lay off the red eye shadow.

When I go out in public and people stare I feel shy and I just want to disappear into the crowd. I am not proud of this at all but it is the truth.

God bless our children! Within 10 minutes my son's words took me to a place of understanding.  My son, Christian, works as a personal trainer, clinician and health care provider.  I asked if he would share his thoughts on this subject with those who read this blog.  

Christian, thank you for your words of encouragement and helping me see the world through another lens when I needed an alternative perspective to consider.

  

 Beauty Is Bone Deep
- by Christian 

As time passes and my understanding of health grows and my experiences with people broaden I see a common theme; people want very much to look attractive and it hurts them and their health when they feel unattractive.

I didn't always accept this condition.  For some time I made an effort to devalue aesthetics and physical appearances opting for a more functional view of health and well being.  

After all:

"Beauty is only skin deep." 

"It does not matter what we look like, what matters is how we feel."

If we may simply define health as 'how good we feel' and the above holds true, then physical appearance should be considered shallow.  In order to be healthy beauty does not need to occupy our concerns.

Although this was my thinking, I could not ignore the pervasiveness and overwhelming value placed upon appearance.  It was everywhere.  I would see it and most importantly ... I would feel it.

One day I wrote a list of all the physical traits we tend to perceive as attractive in another person, the personal traits we aspire for ourselves. I came up with a list which included;

* clear and healthy skin

* strong, rich hair

* clear eyes

* white teeth

* an athletic frame.

These are some of the same traits most health products, fashion designers and make-up producers attempt to improve upon, frame well, magnify or claim to provide to the consumer through their advertising and marketing.

"Use this product for clearer skin."

"Use this make-up to mask unwanted blemishes."

"Now with whitening!"

"Rid yourself of red, puffy eyes with these drops."

"... fortifying hair for a strong and healthy look." 

...and the countless fat reducing; dieting options; and clothes that lift, tuck and mask unflattering and unwanted...ummm..."curves".

(note: the cosmetic and fashion industries alone make over a half trillion dollars a year.  Another testament of how widely this desire spans.)

I looked at this list while attempting to be free from judgment and I noticed something.  There was a very clear comparison from each aesthetically pleasing trait to an example of a healthy body.  You  see, when our organs, GI tract and mind are healthy it is reflected in our skin, hair, eyes, teeth and body composition.  In fact, the idea of attraction and drawing in a mate with traits expressing vitality and fertility is an expression of health.  True health.  Health within.

When we become ill or our body becomes toxic, this too is reflected in our appearance.  It can make us feel unattractive.  We may compound this feeling with guilt because we feel shame.  Shame for valuing something so shallow. These emotions have absolutely no benefit to us.

When we are not well it is difficult to feel beautiful.  It is difficult to feel pretty.  When our bodies become toxic from chemical therapies or poor nutrition or any other over abundance of a stressor we are not shining with confidence.  We are not representing our beauty or good health.

Picture how you or another person looks and feels after they have not slept for 2 days, or after being stuck outside in the winter for too long, or swelling up from an allergic reaction.  All of these are stressors to our system and can lead to a person feeling and looking physically unattractive. 

We are designed to avoid proximity to dangers, to potential health risks, and to that which does not inspire growth. If attraction encourages proximity ... closeness, then (un)attraction promotes distance ... isolation.

I am not suggesting that anyone who is ill or feeling under the weather is thereby all of a sudden an unavoidable monster.  Rather, I am suggesting that it becomes more difficult to value ourselves as attractive while we are experiencing any distress which overwhelms our system be it physical, mental, emotional, chemical, thermal, or other.

Conversely, when a person does anything to inspire health and healing for themselves they may welcome a feeling of beauty. A reciprocal relationship. Just as distress may subtract from health, a eustress may be an addition to health ... to beauty.

To balance the previous examples, imagine how you or another may look after a good night sleep and a warm shower; returning from a peaceful vacation from a beautifully warm climate; or after consuming a deliciously healthy meal full of life and vitamins.  How then would one feel about their appearance? Would their appearance continue to improve so long as they continued to provide themselves with opportunities to heal and build health? I suggest it would. More importantly, as they began to feel better it would be in their best interest to care, appreciate and value their improving appearance - to enjoy and have gratitude for their healthier looking hair, skin, eyes and body.

My contention is, rather than exhausting mental, emotional and monetary resources on masking, distracting or adding to our lack of health, ... our unease, ... our dis ease; we instead use those valuable resources to build health ... to encourage ease ... to feel ... pretty.

There is no harm in having pride in ones appearance so long as they are taking care of their health and not actively detracting from another's. I suggest you embrace feeling beautiful and do those things within your life which encourages you to feel beautiful.

Beauty reaches depths much further than skin deep.  It reaches through us.  When we have those feelings of being unpretty, may we reach to our depths and encourage the development of our health so we may again feel our beauty shine through.

I now suggest a new paradigm:

Beauty is bone deep.
It matters how you feel. It effects how you look.

- CFR 

Recognizing The Joys In My Life

Update:

Word has come in that the cost for the final 12 weeks of HCV triple treatment will now be covered. (I'm doing the happy dance...)

I would first like to thank all the people who have graciously included me in their prayers.  I believe in the power of prayer and that each of you helped in the final outcome.  We could not have done this without your heart felt prayers. 

There are also three very kind, generous, patient and strong willed individuals I need to thank.  They were nothing short of tenacious in their efforts to see this situation corrected.  For this, I am deeply grateful and fortunate. So, on we go with the final quarter of the treatment. 

Joys In My Life

When was the last time you were fully present ... mind, body, heart and spirit ... while reflecting on the joys in your life? 

I start the day by giving thanks for the things that bring me happiness and joy. As I do, I can feel my heart well up with a warmth that I can only describe as being a sacred ceremony. It is similar to what I sensed the first time I felt each of my children move in my belly and when I held them for their first moments of life following their birth.

Reflecting on the joys in my life has not always been effortless.  I remember when I found out I had HCV.  Believe me, I wasn't caught up in the blessings of my life - I was more caught up in the anger, fear, and shame I was experiencing. Friends and medical professionals told me I should focus on the good things in my life. I have often heard myself offering the same well meaning advice to others but it is far easier said then done when someone receives news that will change the course of their life.

During the early months following the diagnosis, my daily ceremony of gratitude slowly manifested into a disconnected mechanical ritual.  It became a mental practice that my heart just didn't feel like showing up for. There was nothing authentic about it. Who did I think I was fooling?

Counting our blessings can be a difficult process to fully show up for when the mind, heart and spirit is otherwise preoccupied.  How many of us have been taught how to truly connect with our heart and spirit?  How many of us have been taught how to pray or even what prayer is?  Within time I realized I needed to reconnect.  The only way I knew how to do this was to immerse myself in the very things that bring me joy.  Simply listing them was only leaving me feeling empty and fraudulent. 

To this day, these are just a few of the joys in my life I reconnect with when life gets too big and heavy for my shoulders:

* I call, text or write to one or more of my children and I take in each moment of the exchange. Once I feel my heart overflow with the love I feel for them I give thanks that they chose me as their mom.  

* I connect with a friend (in person, telephone, text, email...) and I express how much they mean to me and how grateful I am for our friendship.

* I look through old photographs of my ancestors and other loved ones who have moved onto the spirit world. I recall some of the humorous stories connected to them and the many reasons why I am grateful they were in my life.

* I pick up my guitar and play until my fingers can no longer touch the strings because I got so caught up in the joy of creating and playing music that I lost track of time ... and I give thanks.

* I get in the jeep, turn on some favorite tunes and take a drive on the outskirts of town. I love the landscape around here! We have wildlife, evergreens, lakes and miles of rocky hills.  It is a beautiful, peaceful place to live ... and I give thanks.

* I sit in our home and take a good look around me recalling the stories that come with the colorful handmade quilt draped on the wall, or the old stained glass window hanging in the living room. And I give thanks for these artistic pieces of history entrusted to my care. 

My point is this - we have choices in this life.  We can be satisfied to mechanically list the things in our lives we think we should be grateful for OR we can whole heartedly reconnect with these gifts and embracing a new appreciation for these blessings ... and then release.

Until next time ... with care,

Deborah 

Balancing Mind, Body & Spirit

Week 2 of the 21 Day Meditation Challenge

I have entered week 2 of the 21 Day Meditation Challenge - Creating Abundance.  It is going well.  I am enjoying the teachings delivered by Deepak Chopra.

Photograph courtesy of Trey Ratcliff www.stuckincustoms.com

Meditation is certainly one of the tools I have found that successfully works for me not only during treatment but as a key part of my day to day core wellness routine.  It is not a simple task finding a personal daily practice that helps balance the mind, body and spirit, especially when the physical body is struggling due to the side effects of medications.  I find meditation and yoga is more suited to me than a workout involving weights, jogging, or an elliptical machine.

My daily practice has definitely altered since starting the HCV triple treatment.  This is understandable.  Treatment has brought me into territory that can be physically, mentally and even spiritually challenging.  Days when I have a fever, headache, fatigue and the nausea is demanding my attention I will meditate 3 - 4 times a day at shorter intervals.  I find it helps me manage the discomfort I am experiencing and it can quieten some of the bigger waves of nausea that come and go.  Although I know meditation is the best medicine on these days, I do not find it easy to stick with it but once I start I feel the benefits immediately.  Other days when I am feeling stronger I practice a lengthier sitting either in the morning or evening.

Meditation can be useful when I am in the doctor's office or the lab and there is an extended waiting time before I can be seen.  Meditation helps me remain patient (excuse the pun), gives me something beneficial to do, and I can often tune out distracting sounds around me.

Whether it is a walk in your neighborhood with a friend, a 20 minute meditation session, or going to the gym - I hope you are able to find something to participate in today that nourishes your mind, spirit and body.

Until next time,

Deborah